So I have had a problem with abusing substances from my teens already. I would always drink and use more than anyone else at a party, I just didn't seem to have that off switch like other people did. However, drinking and using did something amazing for me, it took away all my insecurities, my fears and gave me a, "I don't give a shit", attitude which I really enjoyed. It allowed me to escape my feelings, my busy mind and was like an escape which I loved, plus I became this person who could easily approach women, not scared to get into fights, do reckless things and not fear any consequences.... Most people go through this kind of behaviour but they either grow out of it or they have one or two things happen which is enough for them to either stop or slow down.
Ha! Not me! I just had to have more and more because I firstly loved my substances way to much and secondly, they were my lifeline and how could I give that up?
Very quickly my drinking and using went from a weekend binge to a few days during the week and eventually to everyday usage just to get me through the day. My family and friends picked up that there was a problem but, like so many of us do, they brushed it off to being young and wild and that it was just a phase. Unfortunately this was not a phase and the deeper I got into my active addiction, the worse things were getting, but when I say I did not believe I had a problem, I mean it! I was not willing to admit that I had a problem and in my mind I had so many reasons or justifications for why I was doing what I was doing and EVERYONE else was to blame, EXCEPT ME. I was also exceptionally dishonest and manipulative which meant I was able to twist people in a way which enabled me to get what I wanted, how I wanted and when I wanted. It was my way or the highway and when I couldn't get my way I would get exceptionally angry and even violent at times. My friends and parents described me as a Jekyll and Hyde because I would flip from being one person to a complete and utter monster in a matter of seconds and sometimes without provocation. This was a pattern that went on for a very long time and had my parents searching for answers everywhere....
Keep an eye out because what we did next is probably what you have either already done or what you are planning on doing...
See you soon ;)
Mitch
